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Granted, but sadly the voice of Spongebob, Tom Kenny, passed away the day after the acheivement was met and the new voice of Spongebob is Jamie Kennedy

I wish to have a swimming pool.

Granted, but you didn't say what you wanted in the pool, so now it's filled with lava.

I wish I could turn into a Legendary Pokemon.

Granted, but a tranner comes along and captures you in a regular pokéball which you remain in for the rest of time.

I wish a wish.

You get a wish, but it will be corrupted.

I wish for someone to kill my "Gamer" post. I'm actually being serious about this.

Granted, but nobody thinks you're being serious so they just laugh at you going "Ha ha funny joke Nitrochu, very Meta" while your post remains.

I wish the voices in my head would just shut the fuck up already!

The voices in your head shut up, but now actual ghosts haunt you.
I wish I had a Klondike bar.

Granted, but it's been left out in the sun for a bit too long and now you must drink it.

I wish I had the ability to turn back time and undo stupid shit I have done.

Granted. You may now have a chance to undo what you have done, but doing so will severely alter the course of history, resulting in your premature death or an end-of-the-world scenario. Should have wished for an instruction manual, meddling with time is srs bsns.

I wish, I wish, with all my heart
To fly with dragons, in a land apart.

Granted, but now you're just stuck in the show that no one watches anymore.

I wish Tenzi were dead.

Granted, but you killed Tzeni Maynard instead of Tzeni Mpotsi.

I wish I could cartwheel without getting injured.

granted but you walk like you're injured

I wish mpotsi will stop sock puppeting

The genie who you are wishing to is not sure what you mean by "mpotsi sock puppeting", so to be safe he removes all socks from the universe. Have fun with those blisters, buddy.
I wish that Justin Beiber became good at singing and composing so this stupid circlejerk can stop.

Granted, but the only way to do that was to kill everyone who wasn't already a fan of Justin.

I wish ponies were real

Your wish is granted and it makes these ponies re-real

I'll go ahead and be more specific by wishing G4 MLP ponies were real

I wish I owned the Lyra plushie.

effort of older Bronies,

I'm 26, what other bronies could have bumped me out? Unless Vazquez rounds them all up in his harem and….oh gawd, that's exactly what happens isn't it?

I wish I owned the Lyra plushie.

You get it and everything goes swimmingly for a while until you receive a class action lawsuit from Hasbro.Inc for "Violating" their Intellectual Property*. The plush is promptly taken off you.

(*I don't really know what girls can do with it, but I'm still assuming you have 'ways')

I wish my handwriting was so terrible

Granted, your handwriting causes everything you write to be read as "shit".

I wish to be shit.

Granted, but you're rolled up and eaten by a dung beetle. (You repeated yourself.)

I wish for no more war.

Granted. I conquer the world and place it under my oppressive rule. I then completely disarm the world population; there is no more war.

I wish for all 7 Chaos Emeralds.

Granted, but I also brought along (Super) Sonic.

I wish for a meteor shower to streak across the night sky worldwide.

(Why am I so invisible?)

I wish my handwriting was so terrible.

Whoops, that was supposed to be "I wish my handwriting wasnt so terrible". LOL at the response though.

Sometimes I wonder how I passed that dyslexia examination.

I wish for a meteor shower to streak across the night sky worldwide.

Many of the meteors reach the surface of the earth, triggering apocalyptic levels of destruction throughout the world. Thousands of lives and cities are lost from the numerous impacts,

Worst of all, all the satellites are destroyed and you no longer have Dish TV

I wish I would stop staying up so late

Granted, but now you can never sleep ever again.

I wish I know all the secrets and mystery's of the universe.

@LittleBlueDragon
Granted, but one of them hits the Earth releasing The Colour Out of Space in a random city.

Granted, but now you're immobile, unable to comprehend all that knowledge, like Beth's horse. (It's a Bravest Warriors thing)

I wish Ninjas and Pirates would stop being overused.

Wish granted

I wish my wish will grant my friend's wish which wish has been wished for another wish to prevent another wish.

Granted, but you can't eat bacon anymore.
I wish rocket jumping was possible.

Granted, but it requires materials not known on Earth.

I wish that manned space exploration would be a thing again

Granted, but as soon as you start, you get sniped.

@Alex Mercer: Aren't they already?

I wish for a perfectly normal table.

The table's normal, but there's a man eating plant under it.

I wish for a penny.

Granted, but then you get mugged by Mr. Krabs.

I wish Michael Jackson never made his face look like a Serial Killer's face from a slasher movie.

Granted. Now he looks like a demon.
I wish for all cooking knowledge.

Granted, but all of your knowledge about cooking meth didn't prepare you for the police busting down your door and blowing up your lab.

I wish yes.

Granted, but you also get no.

I wish for school to be fun, and educating at the same time.

Wish granted, but Oliver Cromwell conquers your country and imposes his superior Puritan law shortly there after. You die on christmas eve knowing Christmas is banned.

I wish i was a Puritan.

Granted, you are now also dicks

I wish lelelelel

The genie that you are wishing to immediately sends you to a cancer containment center, AKA 9gag.
I wish Vinny of Vinesauce had an even sexier voice.

Granted, he doesn't talk anymore.

I wish 9gag would die.

Granted, but everyone who has even HEARD of 9gag dies. Including people who hate it.
I wish for pie. Specifically of the key lime variety. With a dollop of Cool Whip on top.

You get one, but there is a sea cucumber inside.

I wish for a sword of ice that never melts.

Granted, but it broke in half once you touched it.

I wish to graduate an Ivy League school and enjoy it.

Granted, but you will never be able to sleep for the rest of your life.

I wish I was Oliver Cromwell.

Granted. You also get dicks.

[INSERT DECENT WISH HERE]

You got a woman in a decent looking dress named Wish.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wish my sister's dog would shut up.

Your wish prompts her dog to run under your car as you back out the driveway,

She blames you for her dogs death and never forgives you

I wish for a banana

Granted. The banana appears in your pocket and everyone thinks you're happy to see them.

I wish my TV would work right.

Your TV works right, but it only gets C-SPAN.
I wish for the blessed +7 Grayswandir.

Granted, it's poisoned with AIDS.

I wish derp.

Granted, you get herp along with it.
I wish to become a Magical Girl.

You become the wicked witch of the east. A house crushes you.

I wish I had a minion to do my bidding. I shall name him Egor

Granted, but he soon becomes tired of all of your bossy orders, and promptly betrays you by killing you in your sleep.

I wish T-Pain never abused autotune (Eiffel 65 was okay doing it. T-Pain was another story)

Granted. Now it's Bieber who is abusing it.

I wish for the Chaos Emeralds.