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Teenage girl anxiously coming out to her parents: Her supportive dad: You know, I'm something of a lesbian myself

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What do you think happens when we die, Keanu Reeves? (takes a deep breath) I know that the ones who love us, will miss us. 6869

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So I walked into the dentist this morning. My dentist asked me how my weekend was. I said "Good, I watched Captain America last night. I really liked it." And my dentist says "Oh, my son is in that movie." At first I thought he was joking but then I realized Dr. Robert Evans I looked it up My dentist is Captain America's dad

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When customers treat you like s--- When customers remember you're a human and appreciate your work u/elch3w 08 Hi!

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IT'S OK TO BE SAD ABOUT SOMETHING YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD HEALED FROM sends apart

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IT'S MY B DA ODD

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N Mike @blocboydeku who wore these to school sacrificed any chance at having a girlfriend for their hobby and tbh I can respect that Eddy Ward Fun fact: in middle school a friend of mine would always bring one of these in to class, one day a girl did the same and challenged him to a duel and lost pretty badly. Turns out she liked him a lot and decided to learn the game so she had a reason to approach him. They're still together 12 years later

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greg @greg16676935420 Felt like changing someone's life tonight CVM: SIGN AMOUNT: TIP: TOTAL: $2.25 10 12,25 ** MERCHANT COPY **

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VISITORS HOW DID YOU ENSLAVE YOUR HUMAN? THEN WHY DOES HE PROVIDE FOR YOUR EVERY NEED? I DID NOT. BUDDY BUDDY BUT WHY DOES HE LOVE YOU? BECAUSE I LOVE HIM. #15 BUDDY BUDDY BECAUSE HE LOVES ME. HEY BUDDY COMICS Oft

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Here's a teacher who understands what's important. Take 3pts 2.2. Create a Math Meme When your (trying to make) mother calls you by your full name (atb) on crap. a² + 2ab+b².

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When dad is ordering a drink Dad: "And a beer for the little guy over here." 7 year old me: Daaad! I'm not old enough to drink beer! Dad and the waiter: CHIDS

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Things nobody said in the 1980's... "I lost my phone."

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when you go to your gaming friend for advice < David Chem 3B > Message Wed 15 Nov at 14:00 so ya, becca keeps msging me and idk what to do anymore thanks for trusting me with your lore, man. but bruh, becca's just a sidequest. hanna is canon. tell becca gg ez already and tell hanna she's your duo for life. Imao u right u right

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i took my girlfriends little sister out on a date so she knows how a guy should treat her when she gets older

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When a cougar gets so old she needs a hearing aid... she becomes a Def Leppard.

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33 I've been feeling lost lately. And even balls are boring. Treats feel tasteless. What do you do when life is like this? You do your best. @betweenwalks

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WISH ME LUCK, GUYS. wawa

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Follow It took my new cat a while to realise that kissing the top of her head was a gesture of affection, but I think she's finally got it. The downside is that she now thinks the best way to signal that she wants cuddles is to come charging at me and mash the top of her head against my face. It's like a very affectionate punch in the mouth.

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at least someone's doing ok LIVE BREAKING NEWS LOCAL STINGRAY IN GREAT MOOD 18:30 THE WATER IS NICE AND WARM AND HIS FLAPPY PARTS FEEL VERY FLAPPY INDEED SEE MORE

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GOODNIGHT MOST SIGNIFICANT BEING MAY YOUR UNCONSCIOUSNESS BE PLEASANT E - AIR PROPELLED MOUTHPUSH छ NOT EVEN CLOSE I WILL BE MISERABLE IN YOUR ABSENCE WONDERFUL INACCURATE BLOODPUMP SHAPE NATHANWPYLE

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