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27 Views • Created 2 months ago By SwipeWire • Updated 2 months ago

Created By SwipeWire • Updated 2 months ago

The 13 Commandments of America according to Secondpillow

1: You are stupid. 2: Baby, someone cut off my d--- and wrote an America with it. 3: If a whale tries to sell you a pumpkin, don't. 4: Your head is an artifice. Throw it away, but don't let anyone see you do it or you'll be kicked out of school. 5: Always collect a ghost's shadow if it leaves one behind. It will be worth something someday. 6: Starbucks napkins are hereby the new currency, but only after they are smeared upon the corpse of a mule. The exchange rate will be 13 mules to one napkin. 7: Taxi cabs will be used to build a pyramid with 290 sides. It will be the white house, and the president will live there for 17 years at a time, while you eat your children's ashes on a bun. 8: On Father's day, you will enter an invisible box and be plunged into the ocean. There, you will enter an undersea candy store, but you will never have enough Starbucks napkins to get what you want. 9: It is all spam, all of it. Check the box and delete it. Now delete yourself, for you are spam. 10: All clocks will be inscribed with the entirety of the alphabet to save time. This is the alphabet: 6+7=A 14*12= B 16 {eleventy two}= President Wahooley And so on, until you reach the period, which is the end of the alphabet. 11: All previous constitutions were writ by false writers, whose passing eagles were inferior and whose cocks had fewer things in them. Accept only the American cockstitution. 12: Spend your adolescence as a duck, waddling in a circle, until you become an egg full of dust. 13. All time is a knotted ball. You can hide it anywhere in your body, and it is still time.
Origin Entry:

Badfics

Source

Fanfiction.net

Notes

From HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, an HP fanfic by Secondpillow.

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